Speaking of Feelings

own voice.  It's important to hear clearly the voices of our loved ones with an intention of harmony.  our voices growing from confusion or anger. Waiting for loved ones to speak completely, to really finish what they wish to say,  will encourage their trust and expectation of respect for them.  Listening deeply to our sons encourages them to develop their thinking capacity, including the ability to form the words that communicate their thoughts.  Listening is an important skill in handling our emotions and the emotions of our loved ones.


Interrupting 


Interrupting on the other hand encourages conflict and confusion in our loved ones about their own importance in life.  It's very common when in helping people with low self-esteem to find a habit of dominating by  interrupting.   This habit of stopping others from expressing themselves completely can easily lead to lowered self-valuing and difficulty in concentration. 

Taking the position of encouraging others to complete their communication before we respond, listening with an intention of understanding, is both moving in harmony and managing our own emotions with compassion. 


Tone  


How we use our voice...in particular our tone, carries a message that can be more powerful than the words themselves.   Harsh, angry or demeaning speech damages grows from a confused sense of separation in us, and keeping our tone kind is a skill worth practicing.   You might try speaking the word "Hello" in a harsh tone and then a kind tone to demonstrate this to yourself. 


Rephrase it


When we feel we are on the brink of saying unkind words, or that we have just used them, it is very important to stop, recognize what is going on, and change those words as soon as possible.  If wedon't have the apology tool in our toolbox, it's time to pick one up.  Simply saying "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that....let me say it differently" and then calling  upon  our inner harmony for a good rephrase, offers the opportunity to heal the hurt and grow the emotional bond.  It also offers a good example to those around us.


Stopping


Being able to simply be quiet when we feel hurt, disrespected or begin becoming angry is a very valuable skill.   Words of anger about to erupt can be noticed and gently quieted, if we ourselves understand and value quiet as a harmonious method of emotional management.  

For many of us the idea of not speaking may seem like cowardice or encouragement of others' disrespect, especially if they are angry.   Yet if we fuel our actions with compassion and understanding, we are bringing to others what is needed to recognize the Love that is already present and being overlooked and underused. 


Breathing


If we want to really direct our lives it's necessary for us to think and feel the way we really wish to.   Understanding out thinking and feeling is a lifetime pursuit.  Developing a dependable solid habit of paying attention to our feelings is necessary if we are to understand our feelings.   The same is true for our thinking.   An age old method of slowing down and focusing on our emotional and mental processes is paying attention to our breathing.   The ages old practice of intentionally noticing our breath offers anyone a moment to refocus our awareness on something natural, miraculous and everywhere we go...... our breath. 
Always we are are in the process of breathing.  In....out...in...out...which is it now, in or out?  Even reading this now it is possible to practice watching when the breath goes in and when it goes out.


Breathing  Practice 

HANDLING EMOTIONS
ONCE WE UNDERSTAND THE PURPOSE OF EMOTIONS 
  WE GAIN THE ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE ALL 
  EMOTIONS AS VALUABLE.

Understanding our emotions requires focused attention.This attention to emotions is necessary because our emotions are very subtle and constantly changing.By paying attention to them we can watch and learn about our emotional patterns.When we watch with care, we are able to understand and then intentionally change them.That's right, we're capable of intentionally changing our emotional responses.

Emotional experience is usually something that happens automatically.  Throughout out lives we have developed emotional responses to things, situations, people which our bodies repeat over and over.


Since our childhood, males and females have been taught to ignore and even fear certain emotions.We have all been threatened, made fun of, punished and ostracized for expressing certain feelings.  

For males these might include fear, sadness, confusion and affection.
For females they might include independence, dominance, or traits considered masculine.  

Do you remember a time when you were put down for feeling an emotion? Are there words or feelings stuck inside you that want to come out?


All emotion is intelligence


Emotions are a part of our innate intelligence.Everyone has them.  But what are they for? Emotions are intended to keep us healthy and growing. 

Consider them if you will as similar to our skin.  

Nature provided us with skin which senses our relationship to the environment around us,telling us whether to avoid, stop or approach. Skin senses hot, sharp, soft, rough, wet, painful.These reports from our skin are important to our health and well being.

Consider what would happen if we ignored certain messages our skin sends us. What would happen if we decided only certain messages from our skin were acceptable? What if we only paid attention to pleasant messages and ignored the unpleasant ones?

This would eliminate knowing when we were being hurt and endangered.

We might for example, ignore  our hand was being burned by a fire or cut by a knife.Our skin's sensitivity is a part of our bodies' understanding of nurture and danger.Ignoring this sensitivity means putting ourselves at risk of destruction.

Emotions, like our skin,are also divinely designed physical responses to life.We experience emotions in response to our thoughts and perceptions about life. 

Emotions encourage or discourage the way we receive the world,either positively or negatively.The sensations we call emotions are  nature encouraging our health and enjoyment of life. Our emotions guide us accurately and faithfully all our lives. They cannot lie.  

Emotions always have and always will inform us of the precise nature of our thoughts.  

If a thought is harmonious, we feel good.  

If a thought is not harmonious we feel bad.If our thoughts are neutral, our emotions are neutral.


Numb or Naive?


Even though we have a wonderful guidance system which constantly reinforces healthy thinking and acting, all of us have found ourselves in unnecessary conflicts.  

A cause for conflict is that we haven't learned to examine our thoughts and feelings with enough consistency.Too often we have just reacted by accepting our feelings  without understanding their true origins.  

The understanding which leads to compassion and harmony is not complicated.  Everyone can understand the love available in every moment if they will only make it a priority.

Self awareness


Emotional Self awareness requires discipline and practice.  If we are dedicated to being  people with close and trusting connections to those around us, we will find ourselves examining our own behaviors as a means of influencing theirs.


Listening with harmonious ears

One of the things we can pay attention to is our