Language and Techniques
Theory, Terminology & Techniques
When hurt feelings and arguments occur with our family, friends, coworkers, something like this happens....we feel pain, danger or threat and a shift in our emotional balance. Experiencing these emotions we typically retreat or defend.
Even though we experience pain or danger, our feelings are are not coming from the world around us. Our anger, resentment, isolation, etc. arise from within us. They are emotional memories.
These memories are left over from overwhelming past circumstances .They feel like they are happening again, now, because something in the present resembles the original trauma enough that the left over feelings assume they are still in the original event.
The critical consideration in regression work is understanding that the sudden strong emotion we feel is not about what just happened, or is happening. The emotional pressures we feel are about something that happened in the past. We feel it in the present because we have not yet digested the experience emotionally, and what is left of the past feels like it belongs to the present situation.
. Fight or flight : unconditioned survival response in all humans, animals.
. Fight, freeze or flight: deer in the headlights, confused, non- adaptive…..where fight or flight adjusts to a situation, freezing stays there.
. Freezing is what happens when the IS is so emotionally overwhelmed in fight or flight situations, that it literally freezes and doesn’t flee or fight, rather it just becomes frozen, stuck
. originally studied as an outcome of combat veterans in war, called “shell shock”.
. this form of freezing/sticking in a situation happens b/c an experience is life threatening and our bodies imprint the moment, freezing it, to remember the danger in case it happens again. http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/ptsd-overview.asp
. Emotional wounds: just as with our bodies, our personal histories can experience wounds. Wounds can be of varying intensity and impact, and require thorough care to heal.
. Emotional wounds can be primary or secondary.
. Primary emotional wounds: emotional near death experiences…..socially horrible, overwhelming. For example physical or sexual assault, humiliation, bullying. The result of this level of wounding is deep and powerful enough to stop further development of feeling safe, valued, understood in similar situations. The intensity of this level of wound results in highly fearful responses
. Secondary emotional wounds:
. jRegressions are indicated by:
. Sudden anger
. Sudden confusion
. Sudden fear
. Compulsive urges for
. Food, alcohol, pleasure, escape, numbness
. Binge consumption
. A lingering feeling of something “I haven’t done” or “I need to do”that gets in the way of interaction within a relationship.
. A desire to leave, flee, dominate, defend or attack.
. Integrating Self (IS) Integrating Self” “IS”…..the Integrating self is the self we use in the present moment. While we are actually perceiving and thinking, we receive a steady flow of information which we judge and use to determine what happens next
. Historical Self: the sum of all our memories, conscious and subconscious.
. Regressed Self (RS) an aspect of self which has experienced a trauma profound enough that our emotional existence felt threatened.
. These automatic responses are “regression” experiences when.
. Acceptance and rejection
Recognizing and managing regressions
Diagnosis & then Treatments
Diagnosis: listen and watch for
. facial expression
. furrowed brow
. appropriate? sharing or defending?
. frowning…displeasure or defense
. hiding or dominating
Presence: your loving presence is the most powerful treatment. So long as you are able to stay present and caring, there will be healing and growth in the relationship.
Listen and wait through your impulse to respond. Watch your own emotional and mental movements going on. As much as you understand how, stay present, simply listening and expecting understanding. A question, statement, reframe will arise.
Reflection: repeat back what was just said as a question
Irrational Beliefs: simple shifting of words: always, never, can’t, have to, powerless, alone, completely
Reframe: suggest another way of saying what was just said, in a way that points out inconsistencies.
Intentional Regression Steps
Present …….questions asked of the adult/older participant by guide
1. What do you currently want?
2. What’s the emotion?
3. What age do you feel if you let that emotion lead you back into your life?
Past………questions asked by the guide of the younger part that has been contacted
as you follow that emotion
4. Where do you find yourself physically in the past? What is the scene? Circumstance? Relationship?
5. Who’s there with you?
6. What’s going on?
7. What do you need?
Present.........statements and questions suggested to the adult/older participant
8. It is necessary to separate from the aspect in a way that allows an open, experienceable conversation. The “IS” integrating self has the job of
Feeling, Reconnecting finding your way back to the continuing, ongoing, constant emotional process that switched on but hasn’t switched off. It’s there running in the background.
You may have a flood of memories or none at all, depending on how open you have been to your emotions in the past. Follow your breath and open to your past while focusing on the emotion you chose. When you allow yourself to be open you will find a scene that connects to your concern. Trust whatever arises, no matter how minor it seems.
Your body knows which “dangerous” situation from the past it just connected to the present.It also knows which order the emotional needs of your body should be addressed in.
If your body has physical illnesses, it prioritizes them and deals with them in order of importance.The same is true for emotional healing.Your body knows which emotional problems are the most pressing and will bring them into your experience.
What’s the precedent?
Describe the situation and what’s going on.Describe the place and your surroundings.
Who is there? What are they doing? Repeat the feeling that brought you there.
Each time there is a question, switch roles to answer the question. If you come to an pause,feel which person needs to speak and move to that role to speak.This step establishes trust, agreement and commitment.
. Conversation between isolated/frozen/traumatized and the person in the present who is older, safe, smarter, kind
. Go back and forth until the traumatized aspect is willing to come into the present and be in the care of the older, integrating self.
Semantic adjustments….change your speech, change your thinking,change your experience, change your life
Making any statement about your self in the “present tense” immediately brings that statement you’re your conscious experience.
Use the past tense to describe experiences you no longer choose to be happening.
Use the present tense to describe your self as you wish to be
Choosing to let go invites wisdom
What would it be like not to have fear?
When have you felt no fear?
Now introduce fear’s first appearance
Situation…………..K’s tapping…….even tho I feel scared I completely and totally accept myself………..even tho I feel separated I completely and totally accept myself…….feeling more connected and safe….Im not really separated but rather form as part of……..had to work through rejection, abandonment and separation…..
Love is Letting Go of Fear
Science of Mind
Finding Our Fathers
. Do talk to your guide/therapist/spouse during the process
. Switch sides if you get stuck
Speaking of Feelings